How to Avoid the Deep Scars of Divorce

It is generally understood that divorcing your spouse can be a tumultuous experience. Even during the best of circumstances, you may undergo a variety of emotions, from relief to sadness to extreme anger. When your divorce also involves splitting assets and deciding on child custody, this process can be even more of a challenge to endure.

As you go through your divorce, you can take comfort in knowing that countless women in your situation have experienced this same sense of being overwhelmed. They were probably also puzzled and frustrated by the legal process. You can keep your emotions in check and retain a certain degree of objectivity by accepting the good, the bad, and the ugly of your divorce.

The Good

The best part of your divorce may be finally freeing yourself from a marriage that was no longer a loving or trusting partnership. It also allows breathing space for you and your children. If your soon-to-be ex-spouse was abusive, controlling, distant, or just not up to your expectations, you may feel relieved to be free from that tie to him.

Along with being free from your spouse, you may also take pleasure in the fact that you could have access to his retirement pension and Social Security benefits later. If you have been married for more than 10 years, most judges will automatically grant you access to these funds. Even if he remarries, you could still stake your claim to his pension and Social Security. However, if you remarry, you could forsake your right to these funds.

The Bad

Along with the good, you must also accept the bad aspects of going through a divorce. Even if you have only been married a short while, you may be worried about how you will start over after your divorce. You might not be able to retain possession of the house, the car, and other assets because you lack the income to keep up these properties. Likewise, if you have not worked in quite awhile, you may also fret about starting over in the job market.

Along with fearing these monetary and work changes, you also might worry about being desirable again for another man. Being divorced can affect your psyche by convincing you that you are not worth a romance again and that no man will ever want a relationship with a divorced woman, particularly one who has children. These negative thoughts can easily get out of hand if you fail to view them objectively and realize that you have your whole life to figure out who you want to be after your divorce.

The Ugly

The ugly aspects of divorce rear their heads as you and your spouse battle it out over your marital assets and custody of your children. While most assets can be divided by a judge, some property, like precious jewelry or commitment rings, can remain the subject of contention for some time until you and your spouse come to an agreement. If the jewelry in question was purchased for you by your spouse, you more than likely will be allowed to keep it. The same can be said for jewelry given to you by your extended family, such as your grandparents or parents.

Going through a divorce can be good, bad, and ugly all at the same time. Accepting your divorce for what it is and dealing with the circumstances as they come can help you remain objective and stay in control of your emotions. By holding on to a few of the sentimental pieces of jewelry you had from before your relationship soured, you can rise above the otherwise scarring emotions of loss.

Debbie Nguyen is a designer and blogger who has gone through 26 years of the good, the bad and the ugly of marriage. When the going gets ugly, remind yourself of the emotional thrill you experienced when you exchanged commitment rings and vows to each other.

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