Making Bad Choices
A woman I know gave into her urge to marry. Her faith and culture dictated that she should choose someone in the same faith and culture. However, she wasn’t finding anyone. So a friend set her up with an obvious jerk, who happened to be of the same faith and culture, and she committed herself to this guy before they even shook hands. She justified it by saying she just wanted to settle down and have kids before it was too late. In fact, she said these exact words “I may not get another chance to have kids if I don’t do it now.” Now, she has two kids, but she is miserable. Her husband often gives her the silent treatment for weeks and her health is failing her.
A good guy, a decent guy, a guy who treats me well – these are all guys that you may want to choose just so that you can say you are getting married and having kids soon. But choosing a guy that doesn’t do it for you is not a good idea, and the above woman has learned that the hard way.
Thinking About More Than Right Now
The present moment is really all we have, but considering that looking towards the future helps us to make goals we need to peek into what ‘will be’ with the man we finally choose. Even though a man may seem like he is a good guy, and you think he will be fine as a lifelong partner, that doesn’t make it true.
Thirty years later (or even a couples years), after you married the guy and had kids, would you still be glad that you made the decision to settle with him? I am not a fortune teller, but I believe that you would not be glad unless he is a guy that really represents love to you. You would look back and wonder what your life would have been like if you had waited for someone that made you truly happy in life.
Working at senior’s homes, I have seen the couples that are still truly in love and have stories about how they met and fell in love, and they are still happy today. I have also seen couples who got married due to need or pressure, and are not happy. They are still together because through commitment and duty, they have accepted their fate.
I’m not saying that every person who makes a decision on need or pressure will turn out this way. But I am saying that the chances are much higher than if you start a relationship from true love.
Finding Mr. Right
You don’t have to go out to the bars and other places to meet people. Online dating has gotten a bad rap, but it is a great place to find someone who fits your desires and wants. Every day people are finding love online. You can look 24 hours a day at your convenience. You can ignore the good guys, decent guys, and bad guys, and listen to your heart when it points out a guy that seems perfect for you.
Whether you choose to find love on a dating site, or somewhere else, the point is not to make any decisions based off your biological clock ticking. Take the time to find someone you really love and want to spend the rest of your life with so that you don’t spend the rest of your life unhappy.
Bellaisa’s blog, How Do You Get a Guy, focuses on dating and self-improvement issues regarding women.